Stress

When you deal with finding out that your spouse is the one that is abusing your children it puts a lot of stress on things. You look at yourself and think why didn’t I see the signs, was there something I did wrong, did I make a mistake as a parent. Let me tell you from my experience you didn’t make a mistake it isn’t your fault. The parent/person that did this is the one at fault. You got with this person thinking they were going to be the love of your life and take care of you and not hurt you or anyone you guys loved. The deep dark secret is they keep this all from the other person and are very good at this. They groom the child for years and hope that with this power over the child he/she will never have the will to break the chain and tell what has happen to them. LISTEN to them the minute they have the strength to come forward to tell an adult what has happen  When you have this information get the child/children to the hospital ASAP. Yes, CPS will have to be called, but if you stick to your guns and make sure to get your babies away from the other person involved ASAP you will have little to no trouble keeping your babies. Insure your babies that you believe them and you will move the earth to protect them and keep them safe. I know it sounds funny to say to yourself but to them it means to world that you are going to do everything in your power to protect them. DON’T ALLOW THEM TO BULLY YOU AROUND. If you have to leave one hospital because you are not happy with the work that is being done then do so.

When taking your babies to the hospital you don’t need to explain to the other parent/partner where you are going. Make up any story that first comes into your head and just run with that. It’s not hard for your mind to work up an amazing story when something like this happens. My story at the time when I took my girls into the ER was that we were going Christmas shopping. He asked to come along and I said no we are shopping for you so it wouldn’t work with you there. So just remember you are always the strongest person for your babies.

By rachelmrenzo

Me totally lost

I always tried to understand why I my marriage to him seem so off. I would ask him questions and get half answers never the truth. It was as if I was married to a thirteen year old not an adult sometimes. God forbid if something wasn’t about him then all hell was going to break loose because you were most likely talking about him or spreading some type of lies about him. He always had to one up whatever story someone told you. I learned to never talk about my grandma’s side of the family really fast around him because he always had to try and one up something I would say. I had remember when I was younger my great uncle had told me he was a boxer in the Army. I always thought that was one of the coolest stories he ever shared with me growing up. One night we at a party everyone was talking about family members that were in the wars and different things they had done. I had made sure with my uncle that I could talk about his boxing and that it wouldn’t be a problem. He told me that yes, I would talk about the boxing and it would be a problem at all because it was all military related. So I was asked if I had anyone in my family that was in World War 1 or 2 or maybe the Korean War that did something besides just the war stuff. I had remembered with my uncle told me and I started talking about his boxing which was a lot of fun. We all had cool stories like this nothing to big just they boxed and I never asked where he was stationed so we didn’t know if any of them might have been in the same area. I was not allowed to give out his name ever so it really didn’t matter. Anyways the ass heard us talking and came in to listen and decided he needed to one up my story by saying his dad was a golden something or other. After being married to him as long as I had I just kept my mouth shut and stopped my story where I left it. No more about family after that. Someone had tried to asked me a few months later if his story was true or not I just changed the subject to something else. Then they asked about my uncle and I said what I told you was true but I am not tell anymore of the story because mister one up is on his way home and I don’t want to get into it with him again.
One of the other things he loved to do with him is cause me to look like a fool in front of his friends by fighting with me for no reason. He would say anything just to get under my skin to piss me off to have me blow up then he would laugh and say it was just me being me. No it was him driving me crazy and just wanting to see how far he could push me.

By rachelmrenzo

The birth of our daughter

Jump forward to 1992 and you back from Korea and we are married living in our apartment. I find out I am pregnant but something is wrong. You are out in the field and I end up out at military hospital and had a miscarriage. I tell myself this was my fault that I am not to have a baby because I have done something wrong. We end up trying again and two more miscarriages before I can able to finally get pregnant with Kimberly and carry her to full term. She was born March 18 1993 and I was never so happy in my life. As she got older she became very shy but I never understood why. As a baby she was very loud and would play with her toys with no problems at all. Then at three I seen little changes but I just figured it was because her cousin was born and she was no longer the center of her grandparents attention. She never acted out just kept to herself and always seems nervous around different males that came around.
One day we were visiting the grandparents house sitting in the bedroom and out of the blue Kimberly yells out I know what sex is all about. Her auntie looked and her waiting for her to say something else but nothing else was said. We asked here where she learned this information and she had nothing else to say about it. Looking back on this it was back you had already started grooming her.

She use to be a brave little girl who would say hi to people as long as I was there with here. It all stopped as you started controlling more and more of what she could and couldn’t do. She would be scared to even speak to her grandfather for fear that she might say something wrong that you had told her to never say to anyone. I wasn’t working graveyard shift during this time I was working for my uncle at one of his thrift stores, but you had already gotten out of the Army and was in school at night. Here I was working during the day with you keeping her so we wouldn’t have to pay for daycare. That didn’t last that long because she started kindergarten and in order for her to go to the school I wanted she needed to be in a daycare. I placed her in the one that was just down from the school and she was only there for a few hours. She said she really enjoyed her time there. A few more years passed and you decided we needed to move to California. So in 2000 after Kimberly finished first grade we made the move down there. I started working at Target in October of 2000. This is when she told me that you started back up again with her. You have left her alone for that time you were living down in California and I really wish she could have been strong enough then to tell me what you had been doing to her.

From 2000 to 2003 you kept this sick shit up while I was at work making money so we would have to put our daughter in daycare because we didn’t want her abuse there. What a fucking joke that was on me; here you were at home at night abusing her like a sick mother fucker you were.

During the time while you are doing this to her you are still having sex with me and I have no clue what you have been doing to her. I had never been around this growing up so I had no clue what to look for. I never looked into sexual abuse as a reason for Kimberly acting so shy or hiding when you came home. I just figured she was scared of you and wanted to be away from you.

By rachelmrenzo

We just met

We met in 1989 just after I finished high school. I was hanging out at the skating rink with my friends laughing and listening to jokes that everyone was telling at the time. You came in with Jenny and a few other friends of yours from the bowling alley. You looked different from the normal guys I had seen lately at the rink. She had you guys follow her to the table where we were all standing so we could meet. As you got closer for some reason I was turned off by you, but decided to be nice and listen to Jenny as she told everyone your name as well as the rest of your friends. I said hi but then skated off to the floor because I just was not in the mood to talk to you or anyone else. I had so much on my mind that night I can’t remember anything that happen the rest of that night.
A few months passed and we talked at this time it was an all-night skate. Not much brought up about you just me and my family. Any time I asked about your family all you would say is that you were taken from your father and placed in foster care. I asked a why but you would never say. So I gave it up and we kept talking about my family and where all I lived growing as an Army brat. (I really should have picked up on his strange way when I would say something and he had to top it) A few more months pass and during this time you would go out to the field and I would think about why you never told me about being put into foster care. Then we started talking about getting married and you told me you had orders to go to Korea in November. I was no upset I mean it was the military and I was use to stuff like this being an Army brat and having to move all the time.
One night while in bed I asked again why you were taken from your father and put into foster care and this time you tell me it was because you didn’t like you stepmother and wanted to live with someone else that was a good friend of your fathers. So I believed this story and so question you anymore about the foster care thing. November comes around and you ask me to drive down to California with you so you can leave stuff at your father’s house so you wouldn’t have to store it up in Washington. I didn’t feel right driving down there with you do I said no I wouldn’t be able to go plus I was working at the time. We said our goodbyes and you drove off to California and you called me when you got to your father’s place. Never talking to your father before you wanted me to talk to him on the phone but I wouldn’t because I had to get off the phone for something.

By rachelmrenzo